The one that got away.

I can be the one that got away. I can be the one who never was, the one who never will. The one who had no guts to tell you how I felt. I will always be the one left standing.

You lost me when the texts got shorter and my phone rang less often than it did before. You lost me when replies got slower and messages were sent less often than it was. You lost me because it felt like reaching out to someone fading away. It felt like I was shouting for help yet no one else could hear me but myself. I was drowning in my own thoughts with no one left to save me. I thought it could be you but you were nowhere to be found.

You lost me when you started not to notice the little things. It felt weird to have someone know me the way you did. It felt weird to have someone care for me the way you did. You lost me because I was losing myself. You lost me because I knew that I was already screwed up. You lost me right there and there and you didn't know.

You lost me when promises were broken and I got stood up by you a couple of times. You lost me when “I’ll always be here for you” was no longer enough to assure me that you are and that you’ll be there for me through thick and thin. You lost me because I thought it could be you. You were my shoulder to cry on, the one who can pick me up when I fall. It could be you, the one who’ll first get the news, and the one who would always know what's happening. You could’ve been still the one- but I guess you couldn’t, you weren’t, and you wouldn’t.

You lost me when I aimed for merits and you aimed for something much bigger. You lost me when our priorities pulled us apart. You lost me when I can no longer cope up with the change. You lost me, slowly and what hurts is that it’s all my fault. I misunderstood. I couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t.

You lost me when every Sam Smith song reminded me of you. You lost me when the days that we spent together were no longer just days, they were turned into memories that I would remember every time. You lost me when I write, every word bleeds for you. You lost me because I got lost in you, in your eyes, the way you laugh and the way you make me smile. You lost me because you were no longer part of my world you were the center of it. You lost me because it was happening all too fast I couldn’t control it anymore. You lost me, I hope you’ll look for me.

You lost me when it was no longer just schedules that broke us apart. You lost me because while we’re apart you’re image in my mind blurs a little bit each day. Your voice, I heard a little less that used to be my lullaby turned into a sound that breaks my heart every time I hear it. With distance came space, we both started burning bridges and building up walls that surrounded our feelings. And we couldn’t bring it down. We’re falling apart, falling out, breaking, into two million pieces.

You lost me not at goodbye but at hello. You lost me when we saw each other again after a long time. I was happy, so were you but happier apart. We lost each other but found something greater, better. You lost me, to find the reasons why you should hold on to me. I lost you to find the reasons to find myself.

Just like two message in a bottles washed away on different shores, in time we’ll meet again. In time, maybe we’ll deserve each other. In time, maybe we’d be better. In time, maybe we’ve found ourselves and what we were really looking for. In time, I’ll see you again.