Fading Realities : A gamble with Heartbreak

So it's happening again

When I was already down on my knees

Thinking I went numb.

Feeling so fucking skeptical about it

Thinking maybe that was my last chance.

Yet here it comes

Another wishful thinking

Maybe that one last taste

Would be just enough for me.

And one night

When it feels so hard to imagine

That maybe

Just a fucking maybe,

I could replace it

And now it started to feel way too good

To the point, I'm afraid if I hold it too tight

It would be far gone.

Because it was never real from the beginning.

Time is relative, they said

And it was right there

Standing in front of me

The whole time

But when I look at it from behind

Everything still looks exactly the same,

I swear I could see it perfectly

And frame it in my head.

Then one snap and one blink later

It could change anything

It ruined everything

Stuck in the moment

Was it really all in my head?

Do you know what is the funniest part?

About all this?

That I like it this way better

That it all starts to feel normal for once

What is normal anyway?

I lost the definition of it

A Long time ago

So, I blink twice

And be glad it does not fade away

At least for now

At least we can get high on it for a while

Carry on, the voices said

You know you deserve it

So I smile back and act like

They all can save me

Saving the dumb fox

Using the last piece of my intuition

Rather than my ego

When they all underestimated the pretty girl on their arm

When she is filled with rage

When she is already 10 steps ahead

From ruining everybody entire life.

So what about it?

When I laid every cards on the table.

Gambling it all away.

Should we roll the dice and hope for the best?

Odd and even.

In or out.

Guessing the lucky numbers

All in

Let the faith choose for once

Because the last time I did

I made such a terrible decisions

But is it really terrible?

If I enjoy the view

And damn it was a pretty good fucking view from where I'm standing.